Pam, The Completely Incompetent Genius

Once upon a time at the workplace, Pam was hired and quickly developed into Completely Incompetent Genius. She traveled all over the organization.

Like most workers who can’t do, their resumes are padded with fluffy stuff and words about duties and experiences (taken from other’s resumes or swipe them right off the internet) to get the job. In the interview, the hiring manager ‘loved’ her, so was hired. So smart and great personality!

Pam’s story answers the burning question of ‘how’ specific individuals get hired and never terminated. This is the ‘how’, and it’s a common factor in workplaces. The hiring manager was a director, stabbing her way up the latter to VP (she wasn’t like and extremely insecure). So, these types of individuals hire personalities and bond over zero skills. Which means the level of support for themselves for the cost of defending (protecting) individual(s) like Pam. Keep that image up at all costs and gloss over what everyone else sees.

Let’s get back to the story. Pam was outstanding at applauding her imaginary skills and abilities. Hyper critical and loved to correct others in meetings. To everyone else it was clear she didn’t know anything about the role she was in, was difficult to work with, and not open to learning. This caused others in her department to talk about her, refused to work when she was scheduled, so Pam called HR (under the direction of her protector). Pam wanted to be moved because others were jealous of her, it made her feel unliked and uncomfortable.

Human Resources hands were tired, based on who was protecting Pam. They suggested all the right ways to handle the situation with Pam as the evidence weighed heavily that Pam was the issue, not the other way around. It was a bad look and against policies, to allow a personnel problem to get special treatment to be moved in this manner. Other employees had to follow the rules and do their work. And so, it began.

Pam traveled for 8 years, with 10 stops. At each department the story was the same; each group threatened to quit if she wasn’t removed. Ten departments, at number ten it became so bad that production dropped significantly to the point of big financial loss; Pam was the cause. That group stopped ‘correcting’ her work. Their misguided thought was there was a ton of factual documentation to support Pam’s termination.

Her commitment to the title of Completely Incompetent Genius is outstanding; she was all in. Pam’s protector at that 8-year mark reached Senior Vice President (her monster story exists); incredibly disliked with no respect and ruled by being nasty and would use her title to force decisions. Pam wasn’t terminated. Collectively, all her former departments knew there was literally no other moves…

The organization had a division that separated from the core line, completely its own entity and rented space in the building. Their administrative assistant was retiring. Pam’s protector jumped on it, sold her abilities to the CEO. He knew, just like his division head knew that Pam was a problem and they refused. For over two weeks with the intensity of a hostage negotiation, the shoving match ensued. The protector pulled a card on the CEO and he had no choice. He agreed to give the role to Pam.

His division head, Pam would work under, was known to express strong opinions, call it what it was and be brutally blunt. She was a master at corporate games, if you know you know. The requirement, given the work was highly regulated work, there was no option for errors. So, Pam would place her in a department that was under protector’s umbrella. The manager, of the department, was highly regarded and the protector’s hate of the woman was well-known. The manager’s integrity and by the book values meant that the protector didn’t have any leverage over her. Which meant Pam didn’t have a chance of survival.

Her protector made the announcement of the ‘solution’, like it was on the scale of solving world hunger. We had to listen to how this role was beneath Pam’s skills, but she was doing this as a favor because of the importance of the need. If you work in the corporate world, you know this is high boot day, to get through the BS in the room to exit. Pam was thrilled.

For those not familiar with corporate world, it’s a typical Tuesday where the leadership decides to make terrible decisions that directly impact high performers (that never get the level of credit they deserve) can take on that new work. Pam’s new co-workers were not excited – shocking.

And so. it was. The ‘Pam’ issues began. Lots of errors. Training and retraining happened on the regular cycle. The work entailed: a file would be divided into two or three parts based on transaction (a copy made, done before the file came up, because Pam struggled with that part). One section faxed to this company and others to their corresponding company and fax. Attach fax receipt to each and place in an overnight envelope, sent to where the fax went. The packing slips were already printed (because Pam struggled with how to print them, so the files went up with those already done). Take packages to mailroom. It wasn’t high volume, which meant Pam’s Day had to be filled with other tasks.

It didn’t matter who or how the conversations went on the errors with Pam. It was either stone silence, a several hour complaining experience, or outright denial that she made the error. Her manager set her up with a performance tracking spreadsheet, where everything was documented. Her work needed to be verified by a co-worker at each step (which was recorded). From the division manager Pam’s protector received mounds of issues with Pam. The protector stood firm.

Co-workers were assigned to do all of Pam’s tasks. Pam claimed she was the target of harassment by her manager and refused to work. Wandered the floors of the building. From time to time, Pam would talk about being moved into the manager’s role. These tasks were below her level of skills. HR completed the harassment investigation – unsupported claim with zero evidence or glimmer of wrongdoing by manager. And as the termination documents were about to be drafted – surprise.

Pam announced she was pregnant. She blamed the inability to grasp with role and all the errors from the beginning on the pregnancy hormones. Made that declaration - four weeks confirmed. She was in the seat for four months by then. Excitedly started planning her shower, plus the one she wanted from the department.

And so, it began. Every day during her pregnancy, she complained about it. What she was experiencing was not normal. No one was listening to her (because they were completing her work). Endless interruptions, whining and complaints that her work was below her and she needed an assistant. When she didn’t feel like she was being served immediately, complaints went to her protecter. Who would send scathing emails including HR. HR attempted to refocus on the real problems and history – crickets from the protector.

As her pregnancy advanced, frequent outages. The co-workers assigned to complete Pam’s work? Threatened to quit and refused to be polite to Pam. Three women, who worked through all their pregnancies without a peep of drama – were brutal, dismissive, and had no sympathy for her. At seven months her OB’s office - literally told her to stop calling multiple times a day with her questions or new issues. If this had not happened at work with a co-worker who was at her desk when the call came (the nurse was loud).

Five weeks before her delivery date, completely out of paid days off. Pam thought she called in stating that her husband had checked and she was fully dilated and needed to be out with pay. Her manager and HR had to explain again about medical leave requirements through insurance. A clinical diagnosis is required. No one wanted to touch the dilation measurement, Pam’s husband was a machinist. Maybe he does have a keen eye and x-ray vision.

When she learned from the servicer of Short-Term Disability that they operated off a medical provider validation, not her uneducated word. Pam filed a complaint against them. The claim was they were putting her at risk, by requiring her to work, as her work was stressful (reminder - she did not do her initial workload and only assigned small busy work). Her department and the entire floor wanted the misery to end; they were exhausted from the hardship Pam caused. Then she was out. Celebration pizza happened.

And so, it happened. Pam returned from leave.

It was a long first week back. The following week she requested to reduce her hours to three days a week that her manager immediately approved. And for some reason this upset her. After a chat with her protector, her manager was called in and asked why she approved Pam’s request so quickly, termination was never going to happen and the manager’s vendetta against Pam, a valuable employee, was being documented.

By mid-week, on Pam’s third week back to the office, she accused a co-worker of throwing papers in her face and her manager refused to handle the situation; then filed formal complaint. Her manager was out of the office and was not informed of the incident until the following day. The security footage, from multiple angles, clearly showed Pam’s cubicle. Pam never realized that this department had higher security needs, which meant more cameras. A meeting was scheduled by head of security with HR, Pam’s Protector, and managers all present.

The film footage; for the day the event occurred, the film showed how people would go out of their way not to walk anywhere near Pam’s desk. It did show the co-worker had placed some papers on the edge of her desk, then walked away. Pam swept them with a hand, and all fell to the ground. Pam immediately left her cubicle a few minutes afterwards.

Then, without any explanation showed Pam’s behaviors from day one of return, where she was given work and would take it immediately and place it in the locked shred bins. He went back to the week prior to her return to show the normal flow of traffic and everyone was happy.

Pam’s protector demanded to know what this was all about. Like she didn’t see the same on camera. The evidence was clear. Anyway, it was viewed. It’s in these situations; that you either witness honest admission or exactly how committed (or stupidly stubborn) someone at the senior level is, behind closed doors. It’s also where all the people your burned on the way up – call in their cards. Head of security recapped the actions for the video records reviewed. HR provided next steps and guidance. And Pam’s current manager said nothing, just waited for the protector to respond. She said nothing, her face completely red and radiating with anger. Stood up and walked out. Those remaining at the table all knew what needed to happen.

Pam’s protector, who operated with blinders on, should have paid attention to a critical quietly known fact in the organization. She was brought up to speed and shut down the moment her foot stepped over the threshold of the CEO’s office. Her goal for finally terminated her biggest problem, the manager she could not manipulate and place Pam in that role– that lady was protected the by CEO. To be clear, that manager never spoke of the treatment and BS from Pam’s protector. Others around her reported it to him.

The protector was ordered to terminate Pam and if she wanted to remain employed, adjust her behavior immediately. The Protector hit a painful glass ceiling reinforced with cement.

Pam was terminated.

The sequel – Coming to a Workplace Near You.