The Inexcusable Acts

Once upon a time in a workplace, a high achiever found themselves in a repulsive situation with their manager. It evolved slowly. She thought at first well that behavior is odd. Or did that just happen? It’s not something you typically see in the workplace. Decades in the workforce. Many conversations with other employees on conduct at work and awareness.  

It happened, right up to the day of departure. As a professional, you would think that I should be able to address it. I can be direct. I can be blunt. I’m not afraid of conflict. I was stuck in shock and numbness. There was no fear or anxiety that generally surrounds this type of behavior. I wasn’t afraid, there was no impending danger. It was complete disgust. Absolute vanishment of any respect of him as a human being, family man, father of children, or manager. There was irritability over anger most of the time, but anger would cut through when I needed information related to the business out of the meeting.

Justifications came into play, as a way of self-protection. That didn’t last long, so the 1:1 meeting purposely became farther apart. Then the acts would happen with others in the room, subtle. Very subtle and when others would head out it was a 50/50 guess as to what would happen. Struggling with realization hits hard. It’s occurring. No mistaking it. Seeing. Hearing. Happening. It was real.

Sexual harassment is about control and power. Many believe it is about attraction, it’s not. Harassers can use sexualized words or behaviors, or just actions. The motive for saying the words or acting the behaviors is intimidation, dominance, and/or control for authority. I’m a confident, educated, well-versed subject matter expert on many subjects and skills. Worked for or with the spectrum of personalities. Know behaviors and how individuals use them.

This man, a fraudulent faker, can regurgitate a few lines or the latest lingo traveling around social media. Couldn’t articulate what any of it means. Relies on taking words or credit belonging to others to make himself impressive. There were real moments where others thought he was outright delusional. They did what was expected, a head nod or grunt of acknowledgement. He embarrassed himself. Caught in lies. Changed narratives. Went from earnest to angry when confronted. Enjoyed twisting stories to reflect that the blame was on them. Some were outlandish.

Refused to put things in writing. If it was not in writing, he could argue given his title that his word carried more weight than any other. All the game. When the inexcusable acts occurred, he knew it was being recorded, audio.

Purpose of cell phone technique was to prevent inexcusable acts occurring. At first, it worked. Made him nervous. Because then the meeting was recorded. Taking out the acts, left the lies forthcoming in peril. Caught in an outright false narrative.

Typical traits of a harasser or fraud is the need to control. Constantly undermining the one who was doing the work and getting praised. So, take credit for the work, accomplishments, and ideas. Use gossip or create comments to insult them. Makes statements that instantly fell apart. No time for clarifying questions.

Interesting beliefs in gender roles, supportive of women in leader roles in private and tears them down in front of others. Married to strong woman; intelligent and at ease with social interaction. It was clear he was in the back seat, with no voice. Not the main character, only in his beliefs. Gravitated to females who were on the same or lesser of knowledgebase. Happy to re-hire those that couldn’t do the job or role; because they were easier to blame, control, or abuse. More insecure means a higher need for less intelligent subordinates.   

Would bring up old wounds; for others to feel pity for him. Delusional to considered himself to be highly intellectual, emotionally intelligent, and a great leader. He wasn’t. Father owned the company. He grew up with it. Told others that he was 10% owner, he wasn’t. Given the role of CEO, his own father didn’t have faith in him. Reigns never transferred. Father constantly undermined him.

Company lost the strong employees under his leadership. Good talent was hired and left when they realized he sold them a line. Piece after piece by piece of the company chipped away. Left were those who didn’t have a lot of options at getting hired elsewhere. Father and son shared the same belief in cultivating indebtedness which allows for management over these employees.

So many red flags: illegal or disregard for compliance requirements, disregard for clients or their property, lack of consideration of business or financial health. All about their egos. Love of inflated egos and gaslighting, a family trait.

Complete disregard for the individual who is subjected to the inexcusable act. Masturbation is natural. Done in private. It should not be occurring in the workplace. To be clear, a quick adjustment of male genitals is quite different from masturbation. While it’s a natural physical and psychological response driven by hormones, brain chemistry, and emotional habits. It was done out of deep emotional inferiority issues.  

In private meetings, it was fully noticeable. Imagine trying to discuss business issues, project review statuses, or answers; but you get hand/arm motions, glazed eyes, audible grunts, and looking at someone completely lost in what was being discussed. Having to repeat. Sometimes one more repeat because of the ‘ending’. Urge to vomit burning your throat battling the ‘this can’t be happening again’ thoughts.

Avoiding meetings was the goal. Beyond the masturbation episodes, he would leave the door to the bathroom open. Wide ajar.

He thought he was so sly. At team-building talks, he would make the same statement about how he prefers physical touch. It was suffocating in the room. Heavy uncomfortable silence. No one moved. No one made eye-contact. It didn’t bother him at all. No one else mattered in the room. He seemed to derive a sense of power from it.

Sited from the framework of five love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. It’s not subject matter appropriate or fully relatable to the workplace. It’s about how people express and receive emotional recognition and affection. As individuals in a relationship feel valued and understood, under these categories: acts of service, gifts, quality time, affirming words, and physical touch. It doesn’t align with the workplace.

Documentation is tricky. Video would be the best to see it and hear it, but that was not an option. Next was recording the sessions, which would provide the sounds and lack of tracking on the conversation during that period. Calendar notes. Journaling entries.

This writing is very triggering. It’s incredibly uncomfortable. Having to discuss it. Watching others’ facial and body language, during review of the information. Answering questions.

At this company; ownership was pro-sexual harassers, pro-pedophile, pro-noncompliance, pro-owner manipulation, pro-hostile work environment, pro-toxic culture.

I was working for the employees who deserved fairness, better wages and benefits, a structure to support processes and them. They had real concerns, issues that need to be resolved, and deserved to be heard. The more I built, the more ownership and the toxic ones tried to tear it down.

Bad leaders and toxic employees survive best in the murky cesspool of poison.